Some of you might know I've been going through a bit of a funk lately. You can call it whatever fancy name you want, but to be honest with you, I'm going to refer to it as post-graduate depression. Finishing school (finally, once and for all) was a huge relief. I'm 26. I don't want to be a full time student anymore, and I want to just move on with my life. School can be such a huge part of your identity; it defined my life during my high school years, undergraduate years, and then through teachers college. Now I'm faced with the huge task of having to reinvent myself. Yes, I am a teacher. No, I don't have a teaching job, or any prospects of one. I've applied to every teaching and teaching related job that crosses my path that's within a realistic vicinity. The tanking economy has affected millions of people, and I am just one of them. I realize my problems are small compared to those who are truly struggling.
I've resigned myself to going back into retail. It's not terrible, but if it's not what you want to do in life, then what's the point? Quite frankly, I don't want my potential students to be my coworkers. I've done that for three years, and I'm ready to move on. While it's easy to be pessimistic (I admittedly fall into this trap) I'm striving to see the silver lining. I'm still young and have my whole life ahead of me, yet I'm stuck with student loans that need to be repaid and a job that doesn't pay what my education reflects. I want to teach; I want to do something I love; and I want to start making up for the cost of my post secondary education.
I know I will eventually be able to achieve this, but right now it's really hard to wait. I'm not the most patient individual, and at the current moment I feel like I'm taking a step backwards in my life. Or that I'm sort of stuck in a rut. I can volunteer and take all of the extra courses I want, but ultimately I just have to keep waiting and keep being proactive. It is certainly not the greatest tragedy in life. I am fortunate to at least have career options and I can still put food on the table. I don't have a mortgage to pay or children to rear. I am extremely thankful to have a loving and supportive partner. Nonetheless, my life feels incomplete somehow.
Not exactly sure what the true meaning of happiness is or where it lies for me. I take pleasure in not defining myself by my career when the going gets tough -- I am a learner, a gardener, a cook, a crazy cat lady. I enjoy my hobbies and this gets me through my days. I take time to enjoy the little things when I can. I have made peace with my finances, as I now realize money doesn't buy happiness. I prefer to help others, read books, bask in the sun, and eat delicious things. I am content with living with much less than I have for the last 25 years.
I'm not entirely sure where the path lies for me, but I want to document my thoughts now so I can look back on this in a year or two and feel grateful for where I've ended up. Whether it's in Canada or somewhere else, I am open to accepting whatever personal challenges life throws at me.